It really is scary

Do you think you can do it?

Someone once told me, “I’d never go to therapy. I don’t need someone telling me how bad I am and all that I’m doing wrong.”

She’s not alone in this sentiment. Although not everyone would express it as clearly as that, the greatest barrier for therapy is fear.

Fear that there’s something wrong with me.
Fear of pain.
Fear of shame.

Fear is a strong deterrent.

It is fear of failure that holds us back from success.
Fear of rejection prevents us from opening up and being vulnerable in our relationships.
Fear of the unknown keeps us stuck where we are, not moving forward.

The feeling of fear is instinctive and ultimately designed to protect us from harming ourselves. So we can validate that fear. It truly feels scary.

But we should also gently explore that fear, test it, question it. So what would happen if you fail? How bad would it be to be rejected? Is it possible that staying stuck, although so comfortingly familiar, hurts more than taking the leap into the unknown?

It’s Elul, a time all about growth and change. Most of us try to improve, but are also too frightened to make any real changes. Instead, we keep firmly within the boundaries we have set for ourselves.

We cling to our comfort zones, too scared to push out of our limits.
We take on kabbalos that keep us exactly the same but make us feel good.
We envision a slightly better version of ourselves - not a whole new personality.

But change - real, longlasting, genuine - is not only so very possible, it is also much easier than you think. It may be uncomfortable, but only a little. It may hurt, but not as much as you imagined. It may be difficult, but surprisingly, you are stronger than you thought.

It is simply fear that is holding us back.

Take a moment to stop. Look at your life, at who you are at this moment. Notice when fear is a factor affecting your choices.

Ask yourself the following question.

What would you do if you weren’t afraid?