There's something wrong with me

Have you ever felt that's true?

I see this everywhere, and the reasons behind it are endless -

Too much criticism

Too little love

A bully at school

Academic struggles.

Or it could be something not even directly related to the child:

A parents divorce

Daddy's drinking

Mum's depression.

In almost any situation, deep down, subconsciously, we draw the sad conclusion that 'There's something wrong with me'.



Daddy left because I'm not good enough. 

It's my fault Mum won't get out of bed. 

I don't get love because I'm not really worthy of it.



Most of the time we connect to our inner child, we find this feeling. I'm flawed. I'm not okay.  Deep down, we find a brokenness.

Our soul comes from a perfect place and perhaps that's why we struggle so much with our limitations, with our issues, with our flaws. Facing our imperfections is a direct contradiction to our true essence and is perhaps our greatest fear.

As adults, of course, we recognize that we're all human, and nobody's perfect, but the truth is, most of us are not at peace with that reality. We hate messing it up. We can't stand failure. Because we don't want to feel that there's something wrong with us.

In Sarah Shapiro's great book Growing with my children, she recounts how she told her rabbi that she sometimes feels so disappointed with herself. He retorted: 'Who are you to be disappointed? Did you create yourself?' 

What a great line! Did you create yourself? 

No.

Hashem created us, carefully and with love.

He made us the person we are and He gave us our life circumstances. He designed me exactly as He wanted according to His unknowable plan.

Maybe He instilled some anger in me. Or some jealousy. Perhaps I was given a heaping dose of insecurities, an active self critic and a host of other maladies.

It may not be what I would have chosen for myself.

It may be ugly, painful, wounded.

But it's not me. 

It's what I've been given, for reasons we can't understand. 

Having this essential emunah gives us the gift of acceptance. We can be fully aware of our flaws and yet fully accept ourselves exactly how we are right now.

Because there's nothing wrong with us. We're exactly who we are meant to be, in this moment of time, on the journey we've been given. 

Say it to yourself. Sit down, take a few deep breaths, and of course, tap. 

Even though there are so many parts of myself that I don't like

Even though I wish so deeply that I wouldn't be like this

Even though I feel so broken

This is how Hashem made me and I accept myself exactly as I am.