Did you feel that?
You may not want to
The thing is, feeling emotions isn’t very enjoyable. It’s not particularly comfortable to admit, even to ourselves, just how jealous, resentful or angry we are. It’s painful to acknowledge the depth of our grief. It hurts to feel vulnerable, embarrassed, sad, worthless and all the other many negative emotions we have.
So instinctively, we try to protect ourselves from feeling that pain. We bury the emotions and pretend we never had them. Who, me? Absolutely furious? Deeply insecure? Bitterly resentful? No, no! I’m okay, it wasn’t such a big deal, it doesn’t matter, I didn’t really mind…
But just like a baby so much wants to be held, like a child yearns to be seen, like we ourselves want to be heard and valued - an emotion deeply desires to be felt. And when we deny it, suppress it or ignore it - the emotion stays inside. Perhaps buried deep within our hearts, perhaps closer to the surface, that emotion remains stuck in our bodies and our psyches.
Emotions are a reality. They exist. They will not simply go away. Like a whiny child desperate for attention, these suppressed emotions keep on pushing to be noticed - to be felt in whatever way possible.
Sometimes, they make themselves felt through a host of physical maladies - chronic pain, migraines, digestive issues and almost anything else.
- After each court appearance against her ex, Mali always had a day or two with a terrible headache. She learned to expect it.
They subtly cloud our thinking and affect our choices.
- Talya absolutely refused to consider having her son evaluated for learning disabilities and was totally confident that she was making the right decision. In truth, her unprocessed emotions about her own disastrous school experience weren’t allowing her to think logically.
They also take up tremendous energy, leaving little mental space to feel love and happiness.
- Naomi always felt she was in survival mode. She did have a busy life and a lot of responsibilities, but even when everything was under control, she still felt tense, tight and unhappy.
Trapped negative emotions limit us, trigger us and prevent us from feeling all the positive emotions that we crave so deeply. Many people live their whole lives this way.
The thing is, though, that it is so very possible to free them.
All we need to do is be brave enough to feel them.
It feels scary. We're frightened that that the emotions will break us, that we'll drown in the pain. This is why I love the classic EFT ‘Even though’ balancing phrase - because it is so very gentle. It provides a safe space even for the most intense emotions, keeping us grounded in love and security.
Even though I feel X....
… I am always worthy of love
…I can still have compassion on myself
… I’m giving myself a big hug
… I allow myself to feel this feeling
And once we just feel that emotion, it dissipates. It becomes part of our history, not the person we are today. Oh yeah, I was so angry at her then! But it’s just funny now.
The feeling of lightness, the sense of inner peace, the wholeness and perspective we experience once freed of negative emotions - is amazing. Without being weighed down by our baggage and cut off from our true selves, we are open to growth in an unbelievable way. The possibilities of who we can become are truly endless.
We don’t have to stay limited by every negative experience we’ve been through.
We just have to have the courage to face ourselves,
feel our feelings
… and love ourselves anyway.
